you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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