I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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