I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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