yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
