i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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