There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
