belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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