WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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