FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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