i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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