I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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