I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
