Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
barbara walters just said penis...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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