did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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