i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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