i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Houston, we have a blender
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dicks are not precious.
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