I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
