god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
