I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
