i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize