At least make sure they are 18
Why
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize