wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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