There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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