It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
