I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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