I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The struggles of a small town man whore
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
