i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
