Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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