On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
