Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
