Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
