somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
