the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize