Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
