Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize