somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
