You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
