Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
