i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
