Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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