in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
