Please, let me fuck your mom
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
