I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
