i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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