just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
