my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
