...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize