Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
