As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
