So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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