I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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