I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need moral support for this bender
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize