So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
