Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have fence marks all over my body
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
