I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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