Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
