Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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