I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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