I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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