just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
