he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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