I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your cock deserves a montage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
