I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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