I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had sex on a roof
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
