You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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