I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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