Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
