four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize