This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize