Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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