this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
