Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
