i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize