first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
