no, he came in my armpit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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