i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
