He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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