i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
