Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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