I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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