He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
