So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize