I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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