the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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