I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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