I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
