He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
