he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
