Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
