imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
