i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
