i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
