you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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