My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
