Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
