last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
