careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They took my balls.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
