I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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