dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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