Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
