omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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