well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
