I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
