Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
