508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
