dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize