Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
